Thursday, November 6, 2008

Remembering My Friend

I Feel Lost

I feel lost without a feeling,
Crying I don’t know why,
It is just the way I feel when I die,
My favorite Feeling, I have inside,
Going insane, having no one to blame,
Without, a feeling of concern inside knowing I should
Even though I’m dead, I don’t know why I still feel

~Claudia Magaña

I was thinking about my friend Claudia. She wrote this poem years ago, I think she may have written it when she was in 8th grade. You can see the sadness and pain of her words. This poem gets me emotional sometimes because I know how her life was then, how she was treated by her own parents and sisters. She was treated like crap just because she was overweight. I knew the sadness of her life. She was angry with her father before she died because he was in jail or prison. whichever it was, for making a poor choice. She wanted to have a quinceñera but since her father made a mistake she wasn't going to be able to have one. She told me she hated him for that.

She was buried in her dress. I saw her there, pale and stiff. She was very much dead. She didn't look like she was sleeping at all. She finally got her wish to wear her quinceñera dress. I couldn't take it, I leaned in and hugged her. I didn't want to let go. I don't know who it was that grabbed me and took me to sit down but they did. My best friend was dead, I didn't want to believe it, I wanted her to get up. She was too young to die, only 15 years old. Her older sister was driving the car that night. They were driving on the back roads on their way home from the fair. Supposedly her sister saw a rabbit in the road and swerved instead of running it over. The car did a complete 180 into a telephone poll. My friend was in the rear passenger side that took all the impact. They couldn't save her at the hospital.


Anonymous said...

Hi there sooo sorry to hear about your best friend. I know how that feels to loose a close friend and or family member.

It is good to write about it and talk about it, have you ever created art to honor her?

See my blog today it will uplift you. huggs and kisses

RyoJul said...

Hey Jesse,
No I have actually never done that. I have been thinking about it but I'm not sure how to go about it. It would require a lot of thinking on my part.

I'll check out the page even if I'm a little late.

Thanks Jesse.

Anonymous said...

it does require a lot of thought, and me and Angela a great friend and artist are still putting together symbols for a joint art project to honor my late cousin Daniel, and her late father Chett.

Both departed in a similar way. So we are asking ourselves what they liked, and the symbols have come back, leather jackets, Corvettes, stars, on and on... this way we're going to produce three 33x33 an exclusive here in my blog.

take care my friend, you like the heart? I use Golden Acrylics first I paint the surface with Yellow Ochre, then I use Iridescent Gold Deep (fine)

The paint is expensive, but trust me you get what you pay for in art, so don't settle. If you can help it, it is better to bite the bullet than to have a bad experience. Good paint does work better and paint and look better.