I Feel Lost
I feel lost without a feeling,
Crying I don’t know why,
It is just the way I feel when I die,
My favorite Feeling, I have inside,
Going insane, having no one to blame,
Without, a feeling of concern inside knowing I should
Even though I’m dead, I don’t know why I still feel
I was thinking about my friend Claudia. She wrote this poem years ago, I think she may have written it when she was in 8th grade. You can see the sadness and pain of her words. This poem gets me emotional sometimes because I know how her life was then, how she was treated by her own parents and sisters. She was treated like crap just because she was overweight. I knew the sadness of her life. She was angry with her father before she died because he was in jail or prison. whichever it was, for making a poor choice. She wanted to have a quinceñera but since her father made a mistake she wasn't going to be able to have one. She told me she hated him for that.
She was buried in her dress. I saw her there, pale and stiff. She was very much dead. She didn't look like she was sleeping at all. She finally got her wish to wear her quinceñera dress. I couldn't take it, I leaned in and hugged her. I didn't want to let go. I don't know who it was that grabbed me and took me to sit down but they did. My best friend was dead, I didn't want to believe it, I wanted her to get up. She was too young to die, only 15 years old. Her older sister was driving the car that night. They were driving on the back roads on their way home from the fair. Supposedly her sister saw a rabbit in the road and swerved instead of running it over. The car did a complete 180 into a telephone poll. My friend was in the rear passenger side that took all the impact. They couldn't save her at the hospital.