I found a picture of myself when I was in high school where I still had my natural hair color. You can see that it's a dark brown color. I've been dying my hair since high school. That's a couple of years that I haven't seen my natural color.
I've been thinking for a while now that I should let my natural color grow out. I have to dye my hair one more time because I bought hair dye and I don't have the receipt to return it. I' m not going to let it go to waste. So after this one time I will not dye it anymore. For some reason I've just been wanting to go back to being natural. I think I've grown tired of dying my hair. Plus all those nasty chemicals. I think I'm better off not dying my hair. I am now embracing my natural hair color and in a way I think I am now embracing my true self. I am accepting myself as I am. I don't need to dye my hair to make a statement. I'm also thinking about growing my hair out. I used to always have my hair long up to my waist. I have it short, up to my shoulders. For me that's short. I don't know why I want to go back. Something is calling to me and telling me go back. It's pulling at me. Some inner desire, or the me trapped inside. Maybe it's my indigenous side that's finally found a way out.
Something has also been calling me saying "create, draw, paint" it's telling me to read more about my culture it's telling me to look into the indigenous arts. No matter how Americanized I am there is something inside me that keeps me grounded and keeps me connected with my people. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to be Mexican but I think I've forgotten about myself and that other part of me. I was born here in the US that's why I'm so Americanized. Even my language is something that I've been forgetting. All I would watch on t.v. is English channels, for 2 or 3 years. Recently in the last few months I've started to watch Spanish channels and it's been helping me in some way. I'm content inside. I don't know why. It's weird you know.
It seems that some part of me is not satisfied and I need to do something to fulfill that need.