I found a picture of myself when I was in high school where I still had my natural hair color. You can see that it's a dark brown color. I've been dying my hair since high school. That's a couple of years that I haven't seen my natural color.
I've been thinking for a while now that I should let my natural color grow out. I have to dye my hair one more time because I bought hair dye and I don't have the receipt to return it. I' m not going to let it go to waste. So after this one time I will not dye it anymore. For some reason I've just been wanting to go back to being natural. I think I've grown tired of dying my hair. Plus all those nasty chemicals. I think I'm better off not dying my hair. I am now embracing my natural hair color and in a way I think I am now embracing my true self. I am accepting myself as I am. I don't need to dye my hair to make a statement. I'm also thinking about growing my hair out. I used to always have my hair long up to my waist. I have it short, up to my shoulders. For me that's short. I don't know why I want to go back. Something is calling to me and telling me go back. It's pulling at me. Some inner desire, or the me trapped inside. Maybe it's my indigenous side that's finally found a way out.
Something has also been calling me saying "create, draw, paint" it's telling me to read more about my culture it's telling me to look into the indigenous arts. No matter how Americanized I am there is something inside me that keeps me grounded and keeps me connected with my people. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to be Mexican but I think I've forgotten about myself and that other part of me. I was born here in the US that's why I'm so Americanized. Even my language is something that I've been forgetting. All I would watch on t.v. is English channels, for 2 or 3 years. Recently in the last few months I've started to watch Spanish channels and it's been helping me in some way. I'm content inside. I don't know why. It's weird you know.
It seems that some part of me is not satisfied and I need to do something to fulfill that need.
2 comments:
Absolutely stunning, and I can't escape those gorgeous and piercing almond eyes... they are what they are and I base a lot of my painting concepts on those eternal visions.
As you know, or may not, I am partly Zapoteca from my grand father Dario who was 100% Zapote; He came from Oaxaca, and married Margarita my grand mother, she was pure Spanish/French in cultural background.
The half moon looking eyes if you ever see them are based on the Zaptec god of rain and thunder Cocijo. In other cultures, such as the Azteca; it is not the same, Tlaloc the rain god of the Aztec had google eyes. Always remember that Aztec--round google, Zapotec--eyes half closed like a half moon.
You can see this in my eyes if you click on some of my pictures. I will post a shot of my face close up with my sister soon on my site. This information is critical in my art as are other concepts.
I am filled with wild and jolty emotional awesome feelings to hear that you are filling the need to embrace your culture. For when you read up on it or study it in college via Chicano/a studies you will learn more about us, but learn to appreciate everyone even more. For it is missing in our culture both in Mexico, anywhere in latin america, and especially here in the US.
More and more chicano/a arte will become the future of art. However, not the type that I see on low rider magazine.
Not to say that it is not art; but it has the association with gang life that I do not embrace. More Mexian art will become alive as the understanding of art in the world is at the very location of creation or little childhood in the art world. Arte in our Meso-american ancestors goes back further, than the old world. Except that the wild climate and tropical weather has destroyed it, but our ancestors left a legacy in art, the glyphs as the scholars call is like other cultures are examples of those genious creations.
I love this picute of you; you are stunningly beautiful the way you are. You can rest on that. Thanks for the words of encouragement, I really like that also.
Tu amigo con un nopal Y tambien ojos de media luna indijena, Y tambien con mucho color de amor para usted mi amiga querida,
Jesse
Thank you very much. I learned a few things about your comment. I thank you for that.
I recently found out by my uncle that we actually have English blood in our family, from my mom's side. They're from Durango. I'm not sure about my father's side, they're from Michoacan. I did see a piture of my grandparents when they were younger and they look so much like indians, I wouldn't know what indigenous blood is in them. It's interesting to see that many types of people came together you know.
I am not into that cholo stuff. I'm blessed that I live in a small town so all the cholos here are mostly wannabes you know.
I'll be sure to check your blog for when you post a picture of yourself so I can see what you mean about the eyes.
Lol I guess the nopal thing is going to be between us good friends. Thanks for teaching me such wonderful things.
Julia
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